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YOW!
Starting a new business is hard! From my past experiences
with other new ventures, I was well aware that when I decided
to publish a new family humor magazine it would require me
to wear several hats. Editing, writing, illustrating, and
designing, are just a few. Plus, when my advertising staff
failed to materialize, I also became a salesman!
Let
me preface that I am not a salesman by nature. However, my
magazine was to be a free publication. That means that it
relied on advertising revenue to cover costs. Based on this
fundamental principal, I quickly concluded that more issues
would require more advertising, and more advertising would
require (you guessed it!) more advertisers. As I pondered
this realization, the telephone rang, just as it always does
when I'm in a stressful situation.
It
was my life insurance agent, just as it always is when I'm
in a stressful situation. "Hi Jimmy, it's Dave! Great day
to be alive isn't it?" I pondered this ironic thought for
a moment. "James, I was just calling to ask if you've considered
that additional coverage that we discussed?"
"Not
since the three times that you called me yesterday," I replied.
As Dave went on to explain how my wife and child would definitely
end up working as underpaid slaves at IHOP if I were to be
leveled by an ice cream truck, the idea struck. I should ask
Dave to place an ad in my new magazine! Surely someone with
such career drive would jump at the opportunity, and besides,
he would be helping out a fellow salesman! I began with enthusiasm."You
know Dave, as always, this is quite interesting. But, if I
may change the subject, how would you like to place an advertisement
in my new humor publication?"
Suddenly,
there was silence. "Dave, are you there?" I asked. " You know,
a small ad would benefit you well," I pushed. "But heck, why
don't you just buy the whole back page? It's available," I
added with a laugh!
I
waited patiently as Dave pretended to be interrupted by his
secretary. "Jim, look, I've got to let you go. One of my insureds
just found a lump on his big toe."
Upon
being dismissed by Dave, I quickly realized that this was
just the beginning! From now on, everyone who has ever tried
to sell me anything would become a potential advertiser! Long
distance carriers, credit card companies, the guy that tried
to sell me carpet cleaning for our hardwood floors...
That
evening when our phone rang during dinner, I jumped for the
receiver. "Hello, Mr. Booghartzz?"asked the voice. "Bogart"
I corrected.
"Yes,
well I'm calling about your current long distance service,"
she began.
"Well,
of course you are, it's dinner time!" I replied. "But, before
you try to sell me anything, I would like to ask you something,"
I chimed. "Certainly Mr. Boneartz," she murmured.
"How
would your company like to place an ad in my new magazine?!"
I inquired. "Your what?" she asked. "My publication! It's
a new family humor magazine," I explained.
"Well,
I'm not in a position to do that," she said with a hint of
defense. "Oh, I see," I replied, moving in for the close.
"Well, then why don't you just take out an ad yourself? Don't
you have some junk in your basement that you'd like to sell?"
"Look,
sir, I'm not allowed to take sales calls while I'm working,"
she blurted. "Well, then may I call you at home? I promise
that it won't be during dinner."
Once
again silence. I waited as papers shuffled. This situation
apparently didn't appear on her telecommunications 101 script.
"Thank you for your time," the voice finally offered, and
I was disconnected.
I
thought about this for a moment. My family gazed over their
cold beef stew as I was hit by the ugly truth. I had become
the enemy. I was now the one who was trying to force others
to part with their hard earned cash. In an instant, I understood
what it felt like to be a life insurance salesman, a phone
solicitor, a Girl Scout. Suddenly, my resentment for this
breed turned to compassion. Like myself, they were just doing
their job, and not an easy one at that. I decided at that
very moment to change. I apologize to all of the salespeople
that I have been unappreciative to in the past. I welcome
your solicitations and invite you back. Feel free to contact
me by mail, in person, or by phone at any hour that fits your
busy schedule.
But,
just one more thing.. be ready to buy an ad! Ý
© Plain Label Press, all rights reserved. Ý
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